My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
Randomize
