i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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