I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Randomize
