Fine. I'll sleep in my office
I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
Randomize
