if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
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