Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
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I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
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did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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