Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
