I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
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