Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
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