She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
