That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
