Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
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