I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Randomize
