i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Randomize
