My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Randomize
