we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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