Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
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