I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
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