It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
I look excited, but its just a facade.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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