Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
