Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
