I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
