Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
We left an ass print on the piano.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Randomize
