Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
You ever have a fart follow you around?
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