i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
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