ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
