Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
