Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
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