The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
