haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
