Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
And then the night went full on bisexual.
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
