Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
