hell yes lets make some ravioli
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Randomize