If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
Randomize
