I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
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