i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
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