All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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