I'm so fucking centered right now
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Randomize
