I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
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