How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
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