you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
They have beer where we have blood.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
If its not for food we ain't going out.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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