how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
I can't trust your balls anymore.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
