last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
Randomize
