Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
