just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
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