dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
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