I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
my nose is crying tears of wow.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Randomize
