And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Randomize
