oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Randomize
