Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
