grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
