found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
