Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize