if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
I molested 6 butterflies tonight
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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