yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
My pussy is not your playground.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Randomize
