Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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