Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
