Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Randomize
