I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
I didn't notice because vodka
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
