I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Randomize
