Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize