I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Randomize
