My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
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