Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
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