So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
Randomize
