i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
