Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Randomize
