let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Randomize
