Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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