I'm lost and stupid without you.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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