she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Randomize
