I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
