Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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