Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
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