There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
