Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
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