i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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