Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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