we made out on top of his cat.
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
