either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
