Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
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